I just… need to vent somewhere. Please scroll past this.

… Today, wasn’t the best of days. It started off awful, it ended awful, there. I feel like I’m not supposed to be happy anymore, that I’m meant to lead a hellhole of a life that merely keeps getting deeper and deeper and sooner or later, I won’t be able to get out anymore. Something out there doesn’t want me to be happy and does whatever it can to rid me of what I have in some shape, size, or form.

Those who know me probably are aware I have a few cats. One of them is Minu, the grandpa kitty. There’s… a lot I could say about this cat, there really is. But I think the most important thing is that Minu was my first cat; I’ve had him since I was a baby and him a kitten, so in a way we grew up together. Think cheesy of me to say this, but even though he was an animal, I considered him my closest friend, especially when I was little. We did everything together then, like eating my vegetables.
Unfortunately… as years pass, you get older. I’m in my late teens, but… at 17-18, by his standards Minu would be an old cat. I mean, of course him being old didn’t bother me, I loved him as much as I did when he was young and perky. However… over the last year, his condition, had… gotten worse. He began having trouble walking and showed sings of becoming senile, losing his hearing, etc. I didn’t like it, seeing him slowly deteriorate like that, though I did accept it and lived on the belief he still had a good couple years left in him.

… I was wrong. No more than yesterday did we (my parents) and I discover… he had lost control of his bowels. Earlier on he had bathroom troubles, yes, but… He went on my bed, he knew he wasn’t allowed to do things like that, he was very well-behaved. At this point, we discussed the idea of… euthanization. We all didn’t want to do it, but it was no longer deniable that Minu had gotten to a position where it was just going to get a lot worse than it already was; we had mentioned the idea of that previously anyway. I, personally, didn’t want to think about it right away and went to bed.

Which leads us to today… After getting through school with a stomachache and harassment from both student and teacher, I was happy to go home for the weekend. I had stayed after school to finish up a test I had missed and my mom picked me up. She then told me she had some bad news… She had called the vet, and scheduled the euthanization to happen today. …
I asked her why and she simply went over with me what was happening to Minu and that I was well aware he had been probably in a lot of pain for a while now. I didn’t want to accept it, but we drove home anyway to pick him up right away; we didn’t have the time to truly say goodbyes…

All the ride to the vet he meowed like he was scared and was literally trying to break out of the carrier. I felt so bad… I was crying when we went inside with him. When the vet let us in the room and we let him out, my mom talked to him as I petted Minu over and over. He was so alert, more alert than I had seen him be in forever. I told him everything would be okay, everything would be okay…
When all the papers were signed, the doctor gave Minu some anesthesia first. It eventually made him drowsy as mom and I continued to talk and pet him. Shortly after, the doctor told us they would do to actual shot now, saying we didn’t have to stay and watch as that would give us pain. Mom left, but I chose to stay.

The doctor gave him the shot and said he’d be gone in a few minutes, assuring me he would feel no pain as he passed. I asked him if I could hold Minu and I did carefully as the vet gave me time alone with my cat.
He was… so, so special to me. I had literally matured with him and a few of my greatest childhood memories deal with him. I sat there, petting him quietly, trying not to let my tears drip on him.

I thanked him many times, for the friendship, protection, and love he had given me. I honestly loved this cat… I told him his duty had been fulfilled, that he could go to a place where he’ll be happy and that he was the best cat ever and I did my absolute hardest to take care of him and that I love him.
Sooner or later, he closed his eyes as if he was only going to sleep…

I had never put down my own pet before… I’ve been crying on and off ever since I got home from that. I’ll miss Minu, I’ll miss my cat. I’ll miss my dear friend.
But… you’re safe now, Minu. In kitty heaven or someplace… What I’m trying to say is even though I’ll miss you dearly, I know you’re free and happy. Rest in peace. <3

This stress… has been so unbearable lately. Whether from school, family, just in general… I’m… so… lost. I feel so lost. My best friend’s not online for me to talk to him and I’d rather not bother the rest of my friends with it so here, have some stupid post…

I think I’ll go to bed, now… goodnight, everyone.